Memorial Day is a great day to honor our nation’s veterans … but so is just about any day!

Memorial Day is a day of giving thanks to those who have served and continue to serve our nation.

This Memorial Day, be sure to show your gratitude for the heroism of those who made the ultimate sacrifice and support those who are grieving the loss of their loved ones who fell defending America. At eFuneral, this Memorial Day we will remember all the men and women who courageously served on our behalf. Here are five ways you too can say thanks to those veterans to whom we owe a debt that we can never fully repay:

1. Volunteer at a VA Hospital
VA hospitals are crucial to the health and well being of retired soldiers. The volunteer community at these facilities offers priceless assistance to the nation’s veterans. Becoming a volunteer is easy, and volunterring is a great way to give thanks on Memorial Day! Visit the VA website  for more information.

2. Visit a Memorial
In addition to the most well known war memorials in the United States, such as the Vietnam War Memorial and the World War II Memorial, there are hundreds of smaller ones waiting to be discovered. Contact you local parks department to find a monument near you. Consider using this as a time for family bonding (maybe even bring a picnic basket as well!).

3. Write a Card or Prepare a Care Package for Soldiers
Memorial Day is a time to reflect on how thankful we are for the women and men who fight for America’s freedom. Nothing is more treasured by a soldier than an unexpected card or care package from a grateful civilian. Even small tokens of appreciation can have a large impact.

4. Contribute to a Charity for Veterans
Due to the unique needs of veterans, many non-for-profits have been created to address anything and everything that might improve the lives of our country’s heroes. Here are two charities that we recommend considering:

• We Honor Veterans – Caters to the specific needs of veterans who are in hospice care. Visit the We Honor Veterans site for donation information.
• Honor Flight Network – A unique concept that offers veterans a free air flight to Washington D.C. to see the war memorials. Visit the Honor Flight website for more information.

5. Attend a Memorial Day Parade
Memorial Day parades are held across the country as a way of celebrating veterans and all they do for our country. Participating and cheering with a group of people gives the day a sense of occasion, and is a great way to engage children in Memorial Day festivities!

Do you have any other ideas? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

Wise words from Oprah:

Funeral arrangements should be discussed among family members, preferably in advance of an immediate need. There are dozens of planning decisions to be made – if it helps, take the planning process one decision at a time.

Being prepared for end-of-life is important, but how do you arrange for an event that no one wants to experience? To make the funeral arrangement process easier, one funeral director offers his advice:

Pre-arrange your funeral … but not too much
For those not under the pressure of imminent end-of-life or a recent death, I suggest making funeral arrangements in advance, together with your family – one should not plan an event as important as a funeral alone. But when you’re thinking about the type of funeral you would want, try not to pre-arrange so completely that your family members feel excluded from the decision-making process. I’ve seen too many individuals arrange every single detail of their funeral service, leaving no room for survivors to arrange the details that meet their own needs. Pre-planning your funeral service is a loving gift that you can give to your family members, but it’s important that individuals leave room for their family members to have their say in how to handle the final farewell.

Make funeral arrangement decisions in concert with family members
Arranging a funeral involves dozens and dozens of decisions. So, when making funeral plans, begin by determining what’s of value to each family member. When family members have differing needs, coming up with the final plan takes time. And patience. And knowledge. In the end, no matter how carefully orchestrated a funeral is, the event may not satisfy everyone’s needs; that can’t be helped. But minimizing that short-fall is really where the funeral director’s/planner’s expertise is very important.

Take the decision-making process one step at a time
Working backward on funeral arrangements may help you start the planning process. Making the decision between cremation, ground burial, entombment, or scientific donation at least gives you an end-state for the disposition of the deceased. Many people, prior to death, often have some idea of whether they want to be cremated or buried.

Include family member input in the funeral arrangement process
When arrangements around disposition have been determined, consider what surviving family members may need or want out of a funeral service. Families should think about the events they find important and valuable, thereby figuring out what type of memorial or gathering or traditional service, or nothing, would prove beneficial to them. So often families tend to forget about their needs. While funeral events and ceremonies honor the life of the deceased, they are also for those still living.

Don’t overlook the value of a service
Our lives are made-up of rituals – small ones such as playing cards with friends one night a week or grocery shopping every Sunday- and big ones – like weddings and funerals. When a death occurs and families choose not to hold a funeral or memorial service, survivors may not have a chance to experience the closure that such events allow. I find it amazing that after a well-lived life, many times there is no public acknowledgment of that life having been lived; that often friends and family don’t stop and gather, for a morning or afternoon, to share in their grief, to share in their joy, to share in their gratitude for that life now gone. It’s difficult to begin feeling better when you’re alone. That’s why getting together is important. That’s the basis of community; the supporting of one another during good and bad times. Whether followed by burial, cremation, or other disposition, funerals are expensive. But, they are worth it.

Take advantage of a funeral director … they are there to help you
The work of a funeral director or undertaker is not pleasant, but it’s good. We help families through that final mystery, that painful separation, that heart torn open, and somehow ease those pains. Please let me know in the comments section below if you have any questions about funeral arrangements – I will be happy to share my thoughts and perspective with you.

This article is part of the eFuneral Resource Center and was written by Eric Butler, a funeral director and embalmer who has been involved with funeral and cremation service for 37 years. Eric’s philosophy, which he learned from Paul Messinger, is “take care of families first, whatever it takes.” Those thinking about end-of-life should visit eFuneral.com for help researching, planning, and arranging a wide variety of funeral-related services.

The most important thing to remember about writing a sympathy note is to express your condolence message using words from the heart.

It can be hard to communicate your genuine feelings and meaningful sentiments in a sympathy note. Try incorporating some of these suggestions in your condolence message.

When expressing your condolences in a sympathy note, use words from your heart. As tempting as it may be to find and use a standard message, a personal note will be appreciated by the bereaved. Here are some tips for writing a genuine and meaningful sympathy message:

• Begin with a single sentence condolence message like “I was so saddened to hear of your loss – I can’t imagine what you are feeling or going through,” or “please accept my condolences on the loss of your ______ – you and _______ are in my thoughts.”
• Share a story about the deceased – try to mention a fond or funny memory that the bereaved can treasure.
• Include a statement that relays the message that the bereaved are not alone like “Please know, I am here for you – I’ll call you in a week, and we can talk if you’re feeling up to it.”
• Put yourself in the shoes of the bereaved – what type of messages would you appreciate? Perhaps you could include a statement like “I will never forget your mom’s smile” or “every time I visit an antique store I will think of your aunt.”
• Avoid phrases like “He’s in a better place,” or “It must have been a part of God’s plan.”
• Always double check your spelling of the deceased’s name and sign your full name.

If you’re not sure what to say to the bereaved, read our articles on the top five phrases to avoid when speaking to a griever and what to say to the grieving.

Vermont’s Patient Choices End of Life Act would legalize physician-aided suicide for terminally ill patients.

Vermont is likely to become the first state to legalize doctor-assisted suicide by legislation. Read more about the Patient Choices at End of Life Act:

While the concept of physician-assisted suicide is not new, Vermont is now the only state that has passed the Patient Choices at End of Life Act through legislation. The Vermont House approved the Senate-passed act on May 13, 2013.  The next step is for Vermont’s Governor, Peter Shumlin, who supports that act, to sign this into law. The Governor issued this statement on May 8, 2013 after the Vermont Senate Passed the Bill:

“I understand the deep convictions held by Vermonters on all sides of this extraordinarily personal issue.  But I also know how important it is for those who face terminal illness and tremendous pain to have this choice, in conjunction with their physicians and loved ones, in the final days of their lives.  I am grateful for the Legislature’s continued hard work on this difficult issue.”

The Act protects physicians who prescribe lethal doses of medications to hasten death to competent, terminally ill patients who want to end their life. While the Vermont bill would be the first doctor-assisted-death measure to go through the legislative process, both Washington and Oregon voters approved referendums that allow physician-assisted suicide for the terminally ill. There are also professional standards that guide this practice in Montana and Hawaii. According to the Death with Dignity National Center, in 2013, eight states introduced bills to allow physician-assisted death while two states introduced bills banning the practice.

The latest version of the Patient Choices at End of Life Act includes such guidelines as:

• A patient must be 18 years or older
• A patient must be able to self-administer the medication that would hasten his/her own death
• The physician must determine that the patient has a terminal condition
• A patient must be considered capable, able to make informed decision, must make request voluntarily, and must be a resident of Vermont

The bill also outlines certain waiting periods that require that the patient make their initial request to a doctor and then make another request at least 15 days later. A patient must also have a consultation with a second physician verifying that the patient meets the aforementioned requirements. Additionally, the patient must wait at least 48 hours for the medication prescription. Throughout the process, the patient must also be given at least two opportunities to rescind their request.

To learn more, you can read the bill that was passed by the Vermont House Human Services Committee and the Senate Proposal of Amendment to the House-approved bill.

What are your thoughts on the Patient Choices Act? I’d love to hear your opinion in the comments section below.

We dug into the facts around end-of-life and dying to learn more about how people are – and are not – preparing themselves for the inevitable. The statistics around the costs associated with death led to one conclusion: We should not delay making end-of-life plans. Make your end-of-life wishes known now!

There is no right or wrong way to create a funeral program. It’s up to you whether or not you’d like to create one and how much information you’d like to include.

Funeral programs (in addition to memorial programs and shiva programs) are gaining popularity because they provide grievers with another way of memorializing their deceased loved ones. Here’s my favorite funeral program template:

As you may have already experienced, planning a funeral involves dozens and dozens of decisions. Once you’ve decided on the type of service and those who will be involved, you may find yourself considering a funeral program that provides attendees with information on the funeral service schedule and some background on your loved one and his or her legacy. There is no standard when it comes to creating a program, but the following are some of my favorite additions to a funeral program.

• The funeral service schedule: Attendees, especially those who have never been to a funeral, will appreciate knowing the order of the service. I would suggest including the location, date, and time of each part of the service (viewing, visitation, memorial, burial, shiva, etc.), along with the names of those officiating and participating in the service.
• Quotes, poems, or verses: Did your loved one have a favorite song? Are there any poems or verses that inspire or resonate with you? If so, why not include them in the program?
• Photographs and memories: One of the greatest gifts we can give a loved one is a legacy. And what better way to do that than to share stories and pictures of your loved one? Not only will they help attendees connect with your loved one at the service, it may inspire them to share their own fond memories with you.
• Works created by your loved one: Did your loved one paint? Write? Build? Another great way to honor your loved one is to include pictures of or lines from their work in the program.
• A top 10 list: To add some personality and lightheartedness to your program, consider a top 10 list, like “The Top 10 Jokes Grandpa Told” or “The Top 10 Words of Wisdom Great Uncle Bob Shared.” Be as creative as you want!
• Charities to which donations may be made: Often those attending a funeral service wonder how they can help the bereaved family. By including information on a charity that was dear to your loved one’s heart, you will provide those individuals with the details they need to make a donation.
• Words of gratitude: You may also consider thanking those who assisted in the funeral arrangements process along with those who attended the service.
• Information on your online memorial: Have you created an online memorial for your loved one? Such memorials are a great way to permanently honor a loved one through pictures, videos, and words, and they provide family members and friends with a way to share memories. If you decide to create an online memorial, share that information with those attending the service.

Have you created a funeral program, memorial program, or shiva program? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

These are wise words on finding yourself. Once you do find yourself, you’ll feel at peace and grateful to those around you … a wonderful feeling!

Following tragic news, take time to be with your loved ones. Being with your family and friends can help in the coping process.

Following news of a tragedy, you may find yourself grieving for victims and families you have never met. Understand that your feelings are normal and that there are many ways you can cope with your emotions.

Over the past few months, I’ve been feeling more stressed than usual. It’s been harder to focus, I’m more anxious, and I feel like my senses are overloaded. My stress is not work related; nor is it related to my personal life. Rather, my stress stems from the many horrific tragedies taking place across the nation: the Dark Knight shooting in Aurora, Colorado, the school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, the Boston Marathon bombing, the fertilizer explosion in Texas, and the release of four young women from a decade-long imprisonment in a suspected sexual predator’s home (just to name a few). Even though I am not grieving a personal loss, I still find myself struggling to deal with tragedies that impacted individuals I have only come to know through the media.

It’s one step forward and two steps back at times, but I am dealing with my feelings and reflecting on the horrific disasters and events. On the hand, I’m deeply saddened for the victims and their families and fearful – the tragedies remind me that people can be cruel, awful, and despicable. But on the other hand, I am thankful for those who were not killed and in awe of the heroes and heroines who risked their own lives for those of others. In order to cope with my own overwhelming emotions, I have been utilizing some of the strategies offered by the American Psychological Association:

• Identify the feelings you’re experiencing, and try to remember that your emotions are normal – you are reacting to an abnormal situation.
• Accept that things – your thoughts, feelings, and activities – may be disorganized or chaotic for some time. You may feel overwhelmed or distracted, so try focusing on one task at a time, one day at a time.
• Try to maintain your usual routine.
• Reach out to loved ones for support, and don’t be afraid to ask for help getting through this difficult time.
• Make sure to take care of yourself by eating healthfully, getting adequate sleep, and exercising.
• Combat negative thoughts by reminding yourself that things will get better. If that means turning off the TV, setting aside the newspaper, and avoiding Internet news than so be it.

So I am giving myself the time and space to grieve and allowing myself to feel heavy-hearted and sad. I am also thinking about those who were impacted by these tragedies and praying for their well-being. How have you been impacted by the news of these tragedies? Are you feeling overwhelmed? I’d love to hear how you are dealing with the stress and honoring the victims and their families.